Super Power

I’m good at getting groups of people to focus on a single goal.

I’m good at showing up on time.

I’m good at making the very sick and sometimes dying laugh. This is a weird super power, but it’s one that I have. I don’t like tooting my own horn on this one but there you have it.

When Dorothy, my mentor was dying, I brought her and her husband home made tv dinners to toss in their freezer. And then I would sit with Dorothy and make up tall tales about people we knew in common. For example, “Did you know that Russ is having group sex with identical twins?” We both knew that Russ was having a hard enough time getting laid let alone having sex with two gorgeous identical twins. But just the thought, the thought you know, made us both happy.

My first big girl job out of college was working for a law firm that did estate and trust work. Well, that was what the partner I worked for did. Sometimes, I was one of the last people our clients would see before they kicked it. The partner I worked for was afraid of sick people so I was the probate front man if you will. One old dear insisted, she insisted that someone come feel the tumor on her neck. This was the tumor that was killing her. My boss wouldn’t but sure, I was game. I went to feel it and then I said, “Uh oh!” She replied, “What? What?” And I said, “I think it just moved to the other side, you better check it, it just might kill you moving around like that.” We laughed and laughed and laughed. Well, my boss didn’t laugh, he turned green and looked away.

Another time, I was going in to have this lovely man sign some paperwork before going into a surgery that he had oh, a thirty percent chance of surviving. Of course he was toast if he didn’t do the surgery at all. He started to tell my boss the details of this complicated surgery. My boss was uncomfortable, I was fascinated. He had the aide wheel him over to me and he lifted the jacket of my faux channel suit and drew on my stomach with his finger where they were going to go in to connect this and that and remove the other bits. At one point I asked, “Well, wait a minute, this last bit seems tricky what if they miss it?” He gave an exaggerated gallic shrug of his shoulders and well, there were tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. He went in and under with a grin. Oh, and he did survive that one.

But my favorites, my absolute favorites were the princesses. I have no idea how or where they got their money from. I don’t even know what country they came from. I did know that they spoke English with a thick guttural accent and they had quite a bit of heavy gold jewelry. The princesses were old but able. They liked to revisit their estate papers often and move assets from one unfavored relative to another favored one. I would bring them strong coffee and their files. I was young and the princesses would let me try on their jewelry, while I was working on their accounts. Once they wrapped my head up in a big silk scarf, like a turban and I sat there bejeweled and turbaned while working on their accounts. It was a lovely afternoon. When the princesses left that day my boss came into my office and bellowed, “They won’t even make an appointment with me anymore, only you. I don’t pay you to play with the princesses!” And I thought, ‘but oh, yes you do, you do.’

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